25th November 2018
“Every day, once a day, give yourself a present; don’t plan it, don’t wait for it, just let it happen.”
This is what my newfound fictional crush covertly advised to me. Agent Cooper, from Twin Peaks, was referring to a cup of coffee at a seemingly inconvenient time. I basically took it as the ever prevalent self care tip taught by Instagram, counsellors, and anybody who hasn’t quite figured out a sense of balance.
“Treat yourself.”
Now, I’m no influencer, nor do I counsel, and I may only be a little off balance, but I feel like I can genuinely say it’s actually a good concept. I practice it daily. The extent of my wardrobe is testament to that; and the number of times I’ve impulse ordered Chinese on a school night speaks volumes on how easily applicable it is to your everyday life. “Treat yourself!” I say to myself, as I hang up the phone to Li Garden.
These are just two of my own personal go to’s. I obviously have less expensive ones, like painting my nails or taking a nap. But I feel like that’s the beauty of it, there are so many ways to treat yourself; and not one of them is necessarily the absolute way to do it. I mean, I hear of people going out to buy organic kale, just to give themselves a little somethin’ somethin’. I don’t get it, but I’m not going to tell them that their kind of “treat yourself” is wrong; because in all honesty, treating yourself is just a means to loving yourself. And if organic kale is the way to someone’s own heart, well, then let them at it.
Because for each heart there is out there, there are going to be a million more ways to tap into it; and once you’ve realised how to do just that for yourself – a billion doors open.
Let me elaborate.
Treat yourself, to me, has meant discovering the little things that make me tick. I’m talking about the little micro-preferences I have in my everyday life: from my favourite colour (pink), to my favourite kind of sweet (doughnuts), even down to my favourite pair of socks (the ones with giraffes on them). Likewise, when something just doesn’t do it for you. I.e. mandarins. I don’t like mandarins.
I’m definitely the kind of person to who is prone to being overexcited about everything, but I daresay these are the sorts of things we take for granted. Could you imagine how much better an otherwise yucky day would be if you’d just wear your favourite undies? What if you took only ten minutes for a random Sudoku break at work? Perhaps a kind word for yourself in the mirror before you go out each morning; or simply saying “no” to the boy you don’t like.
You know what I mean? It’s these very small, yet very revolutionary, acts that have taught me to ever so slowly learn about the woman, the human, that I am; which is an especially remarkable thing for someone who lost their sense of self for so long. The tiny things I decided to do for myself lead to a greater understanding of myself, and with that greater understanding came a special kind of empathy.
Empathy is the willingness to put yourself in someone else’s shoes; no matter the colour of their skin, their sex, gender, orientation, where they live, why they live there, their ancestry, their hopes and dreams, pineapple on pizza or not. Empathy is this amazing super power that allows you to see the world from another’s perspective. It’s not always the easiest thing to do, trust me. I work in retail. But the most powerful thing about empathy is that once you have it for anybody: there is absolutely no way on earth that you cannot experience unconditional love.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
What I’m getting at is that once you’ve begun to understand even the minutest details of yourself, even if it’s just your coffee of choice, you’ve well and truly started to empathise with your own being. And once you’ve done that, wham bam whoolio, unconditional self-love is closer than you think.
Isn’t that nice?
To be able to tap into those heartstrings of yours to make your own life sing. I think that’s really exciting. To know that treating yourself can grow into loving yourself is something I wish everybody could adopt; because it’s something that manifests even broader than just saying, “you look fine today!” in the mirror. Unconditional love means redefining your own boundaries, and having the courage to say when something is or isn’t right for you. It’s creating and then knowing your own worth. Once you know your worth, you begin to stand up for it; and when you begin to stand up for your worth, you’re the one who grows stronger in spite of whatever else the world might throw at you.
I’m not saying it's easy; it requires bravery, you’ll hurt a lot, you’ll scar pretty bad, and loving yourself will require smashing, moving in and around immovable obstacles. Trust me, I fall over heaps.
What I am saying though, is that treating yourself is worth it, because it’s the most practical way for anybody to know their own value. And once this specific brain muscle has been sufficiently worked, you’ll find you’re capable of treating yourself to all kinds of other exciting things. Much bigger exciting things; like university, or a career you’re passionate about, a house, the love of your life, travelling to far off places, overpriced organic kale if that’s what you’re into.
So, please, please, please. Just go do the nice thing for yourself.