3rd September 2017
“Aw,
fuck. Here’s another opinion on the Same Sex Marriage plebiscite. I’ve already
made up my mind, Meg.”
And that’s cool, whoever’s reading. I’m not setting
out to change your opinion. I honestly don’t have the brain capacity or stamina
to get into a debate about who’s right or wrong. And yeah, I’m sick of the
whole debate too. It’s been quite draining on my end. Not only has the Same Sex
Marriage debate been sucking at my soul for the past however long it’s been
going on for; but the whole “is being gay evil?” thing has been ever since I
saw a very attractive woman in a bikini at the age of eight.
For those who aren’t aware, I’m bisexual. I mean I’m sure I’ve mentioned it, but I like the ladies, and I like the gentlemen.
I’m not mentioning this for praise, or to contribute to the quirky and left-of-centre
image I so desperately try to attain (tell me I’m cool). I’m just saying it so
you can get an idea of where I’m coming from as you (hopefully) keep reading
this somewhat self-indulgent blog post.
This isn’t a coming out story. I want to make that
clear. I don’t feel like I made a big announcement; it was more a process of
self acceptance, and the people who helped me along with that were the only
ones who needed to know (whether their responses were positive or not doesn’t
matter). And this isn’t going to be a post aimed at slamming the people who
oppose Same Sex Marriage. I’m not going to reprimand them, because I used to be
a homophobe in every sense of the word. Institutional. Internal. Interpersonal.
Cultural. So, I can say I kind of understand where they’re coming from in
regards to their stance on the Marriage Act (even if they’re not
homophobes).
I was brought up a Christian; and, at the age of
eleven, I made a conscious effort to dedicate my life to God, and make sure
that his “will be done”. One of his supposed wills being to rebuke anything
gay. And there are enough passages in The Bible for Christians to grasp onto
that suggest being gay is wrong in God’s eyes. I grasped onto them too, because I
thought they were right: especially if I wanted God’s approval, to get into
heaven, and to avoid an eternity of sadness in hell (for the record, I’m still
an approval seeker). And so the usual suppression of ladylove ensued as per bi
girl in church story goes.
At eight, I realised women were extremely, very
sexy. At eight, I also asked someone what God thought of gay people. Their
response was, “ah, not good.” Bam. Must shut that feeling down if I want to
go to heaven.
I found out my uncle was gay at about the same
time, and I didn’t believe it: so we just decided to change the meaning of
“gay” to “happy” in order to avert the conversation of what “gay” can actually
mean. For a very long time, I was scared of the word “gay” and couldn’t bring
myself to say it. You should have seen me last year when I tried to say “I like women” for the first time. It
was like a mild exorcism.
At thirteen, a woman who was preaching at youth
group very aggressively told us about how she’d told her daughter to, “not hang out with that girl, because she’s
a lesbian!”
“Homosexuality
is an abomination in the sight of God!” Is
another one of my personal queer stomping favourites. As is, “bisexuals are just horny and greedy, in my
opinion.” (I’m probably not the best person to challenge that preconception
though…)
Okay, so it sounds like I’m making these people out
to be terrible and mean and ignorant. And I believed all of these things. And
it would be as easy to say that they’re all horrible homophobes as it is that I
was a horrible homophobe. And some of them probably are blatant dickheads. But
I grew up with a number of them; and I can understand that they hold these
beliefs because it’s what their faith has taught them to be right. I know these
people to be kind and caring and generous to anyone. If you rocked up on their
doorstep, it wouldn’t matter if you were the zombie corpse of Osama Bin Laden,
they would feed you and give you a bed. They don’t set out to harm other people
for the sake of harming them. They say and do these things in an attempt to
protect something that has comforted them and given them a sense of identity
for, often, their entire lives. Their actions are self-preserving; and change can
be seen as a threat to what they know, no matter it big or small.
Keep reading, please.
While I can appreciate why you people hold your
beliefs; I think it’s important to note that while you may not be raging,
hateful homophobes; you must understand that sometimes the things you say and
do are homophobic (see quotes above). It’s like, I’m not a vegetarian, but
sometimes I eat vegetarian food. Or, for want of a better comparison, I’m not a
racist, but sometimes I say racist things. I don’t want to be a racist; and if
I catch myself saying something racist, then I check myself. Because it’s
definitely something I need to not do. Do you know what I mean? Like, in
regards to this plebiscite: you can vote No if you want. That’s your opinion.
In my opinion, it’s a shitty opinion to have (but that’s just my opinion). But
please, please, please don’t be a twat about it. It’s fucking exhausting to be
a queer person who has to listen to their parents talk about drawing dicks and
balls on their votes because they don’t think it’s an important issue.
People wonder why the LGBTQI community gets so
revved up about this, and “disrespectful” to anyone who disagrees with their points
of view. But you have to ask yourself, “Why
are they so disrespectful?” Hint: look at the history of Gay rights (any
country will do).
I thought that finally being open with my sexuality
would mean not giving a fuck about other peoples’ opinions, but I was wrong. It
still pains me to think, “They’re going
to be so disappointed if I ever have a girlfriend,” every time they show me
a photo of a guy they think I should marry, even if they are making a joke. And
the passive, sometimes rude, remarks about an issue that may directly impact my
future relationship(s) makes me feel like shit. I’m sick of feeling ashamed. I
mean you should feel guilty about kicking a dog in the face, not for thinking
about banging someone with the same body parts as you. (Please note that I have
never kicked a dog in the face.)
Anyway, like I said. I’m not going to tell you to
vote No, nor am I going to tell you to vote Yes (it would be a bit hypocritical
for a bisexual to tell you to pick a side). But will you do me a favor? I think
it would be really cool if the world had a little more empathy, so be
empathetic to anyone who has a different view to yours. No matter how awful or
irrelevant you think it may be. This has just been mine, but there are plenty
out there. Be respectful. Listen more than you talk. Be a grown-up about the
whole thing. And no dicks and balls on voting papers, because that would be so
great.